I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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