Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
