It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is Oprah even human
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
