ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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