Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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