If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
