just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
