Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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