you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His hands were made for my vagina.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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