You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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