if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
