Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
