Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
