she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the liver wants what the liver wants
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
