Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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