the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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