Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sober January is a disaster.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
