I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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