Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This toilet bowl is my home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
