Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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