I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
