there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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