dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
