Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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