it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
