Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
