I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
