so that wasnt chicken after all
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
