youre lurking in front of me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
