White coat. Heels.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
