Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
