its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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