Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
