i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
