He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
