Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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