And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
