i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
