Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
