I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
