So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
