Where did you get a picture of my penis
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
