you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
