I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
