if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
