Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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