Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
