Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
