I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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