1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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