i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
false alarm. still invincible.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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